I had my first physical in four years today. What a shitty experience. I mean no one hates doctor's offices more than me I can guarantee that. I'm someone who nears mental collapse at the thought of blood work so I'm sure you understand but let me explain for a minute. First off, they make you sit in a waiting room for 30+ minutes where the only things you have to listen to are your brain and Wendy Williams (tbh my brain might be worse). Then they bring you in to make you wait some more while you think about all the ways you are slowly dying. When the doctor arrives you are a sweaty mess of anxiety that I’m sure doesn’t affect your vitals at all but sure the Vodka Red Bull’s I drank 5 years ago last week is the problem. Finally (and this is the worst part) they unnaturally remove blood from your body which always makes me want to die. This time they removed two vials (more than usual, I think I don't know I like to block out traumatic events) which took roughly one minute (that felt like an entire year) of me nearly whimpering like the baby back bitch I really am. Tattoo, no problem. Taking blood out of my body and you get to witness a full-blown anxiety attack. Despite likely being the butt of every nurse's joke today (not the first time), overall a great experience. 10/10 every time. This is why I always wait for a Presidential Election year to do this because why not make the year as insufferable as possible? Hopefully, I’m still alive when Elon Musk figures out how to put a health chip in every person so doctors can just take your readings remotely. Elon, if you’re reading this please figure this out. Some free advice for healthcare professionals in the crowd. Want to make this experience better? Meet me in a place where I’m comfortable. Oh, I don’t know like a bar. Order me a beer and then grill me about my health. That’s the only way you’ll get any real answers. Or just follow this blog. Either works for me, anything to cease this awful process. And for anyone who cares (Mom), my blood pressure is normal and I've lost five pounds. Speaking of pounds, here's Taliercio's panini named The Hammer.
The Hammer: Ham, Asiago Cheese, Spinach, Tomato, Red Onion, Honey Mustard
Nothing says "I value my health" more than eating a mountain of Black Forest Ham following a blood exam. I figured with the Asiago cheese (they offer it at Panera Bread which automatically makes me think it's healthy) and spinach, this could be my last shot at a "healthy" sandwich from Taliercio's while my doctor's words still ring in my ears. Well, let's address the asiago cheese. I knew it was going to be an issue from the minute it got in my car. This cheese is pungent! It overpowered the entire panini with its smell and taste, not even the honey mustard could save it. So no, I didn't love this panini, not even a little bit (I still ate it) but after my morning there was only one direction to go and that's up. Then again, I am going to the Devils game tonight so I'm not outside the realm of getting hit with a trifecta of harrowing events in one day after they inevitably blow a 3-0 lead with me in the building.
Overall: 4.6/10
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